


Birthright

by cellostiel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dream Sequences, Gen, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Rey Skywalker, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Training, transgender character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-02-20 16:44:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13150767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cellostiel/pseuds/cellostiel
Summary: A hand in a black glove reaches for her, outlined in a red glow against the pitch black night."It's okay. It's me under here. It's still me."~Rey begins training with Luke on Ahch-To, but her dreams begin to reveal to her a troubling past - the question is, whose past is it?





	1. Chapter 1

_ "It's okay, Jaina. It's okay, come with me. I'll keep you safe." _

A hand in a black glove reaches for her, outlined in a red glow against the pitch black night. 

"It's okay. It's me under here. It's still me."

She's lifted up and cradled against a chest. Her hands curl in the dark fabric of a cloak. They look tiny; uncalloused, unscarred. 

Lights flash in front of her, greens and blues and reds. Screams fill the air. She turns her head, burying her face in the cloak. A hand rubs her back, and she is shushed gently.

"It's okay, Jaina. I've got you."

She clings tighter to the cloak. From elsewhere, she hears a different voice call out, "Jaina!"

A hand on her head keeps her from turning to look.

"I've got you."

  
  


Rey lurches up, gasping for air. Her heart pounds in her ears. She's covered in a cold sweat, chilling her down to her core. 

R2 beeps at her, concerned. 

"I'm okay," she says, putting her hand on his shoulder. She looks around Skywalker's hut, grounding herself in her surroundings. It's just big enough to house the essentials, with space left for Rey and Chewie's makeshift beds on the floor. Chewie snores soundly across the hut, undisturbed by Rey's nightmare. Skywalker's bed is empty. 

"Where is he?" Rey asks. R2 hums, looking at the door. 

_ 'Getting breakfast?'  _ he guesses. Rey nods.

"I'll go see if he needs a hand." Using R2 to aid her, she hauls herself to her feet and heads outside.

The sky is dark, but stars fill it, and Ahch-To's three moons dip towards the horizon as the first hints of sunlight touch the opposite side. 

Rey blinks away the red glow burned into her mind and walks towards Skywalker's crop field. 

She finds him hunched over a row of bright blue plants, picking through them for the ripe ones. Rey hesitates, unsure why she sought him out in the first place.

"Nightmare?" Skywalker asks. His gaze doesn't leave the plants. 

Rey presses her lips together, kneeling by a row of leafy greens. He taught her how to find the ripe ones yesterday. "I guess."

Skywalker merely nods and continues to work in silence. 

"I mean-" Rey finds herself saying, "the thing is- it doesn't quite feel like a dream. And I'm not sure if- I mean, if it isn't a dream, if it's a memory, then… I'm not sure it's mine."

Skywalker looks up at her, curious. "What makes you say that?"

"I think it's all from that night. The one I saw when I touched your lightsaber." 

A frown creases Skywalker's face. He sits back from his work, shifting to face her properly. "Tell me about this dream you had."

Rey knits her brow in concentration, trying to recall. "Well, it- it was dark. So dark, you could hardly see anything, except for this red glow. And there was someone reaching for me. They kept telling me it would be okay, that they would protect me. But there were so many people screaming. Something horrible was happening. They kept calling me by this name, and then they picked me up, and they took me away."

Skywalker's frown is even deeper now. "This is the first time you've had this dream?"

"Yes, and no. Since the vision, I've dreamt about it almost every night. Screams, the red glow, the hand reaching towards me. Sometimes I see R2, sometimes I see you - your hand. This is the first time I've heard the person in the black cloak speak."

A long silence draws out between them. Rey fiddles with the head of greens she's picked. Skywalker runs a hand over his weary face and sighs.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. It's just your mind trying to make sense of what you saw. The nightmares will pass soon, I'm sure, but I can make you something to help you sleep if you like."

Rey shakes her head. "No, that's alright. I've had worse."

Skywalker gets that look in his eye that's becoming painfully familiar to Rey - the same look Poe's squad had when she admitted she hadn't had so much to eat in her life; the look Poe himself gave her when she told him about the old helmet she found in a wreckage, and how she used to wear it and dream of the day she would see the stars with her family. It's not a look she's particularly fond of. 

"Go sleep." Skywalker says, looking back to the garden. "I'll wake you when breakfast is ready."

"No, I can help-"

"Rey." he cuts her off, looking her in the eye. He smiles kindly. "Go rest."

Rey hesitates, chewing her lip. 

"Don't make me use a Jedi mind trick on you."

Rey suppresses a smile. "Like you could make me do anything."

"No, I doubt I could." He smiles at her a moment longer, then nods his head towards the hut. This time, Rey goes. 

She pats R2's head as she returns to her bed, curling up under the thin blanket Skywalker gave her. It smells like sand, like a desert not unlike Jakku, and she holds it to her nose, taking comfort in it. She knows they're never coming for her, but she still wonders who left her there. She still wonders what happened to them. 

_ "You must look forward." _

Rey sighs and settles down to sleep.

  
  


_ Water laps at her ankles.  _ There's a shell by her foot, bright pink and spiraled, and she kneels in the water to pick it up. 

She saw something like this on a trader's table once. The trader said you could hear the ocean if you held it to your ear. It cost five rations Rey didn't have.

"You should keep it." says someone to her left. She looks up, and it's Finn smiling down at her. 

"You think?" she wonders, turning the shell in her hand as she stands. 

"It's one shell in an entire ocean. I think you deserve something nice." 

A smile plays on her face. "Yeah."

"Come on, let's go." Finn takes her hand, and she lets him lead her towards shore. Before them is an island, twice the size of the one Skywalker lives on. Stone steps peek out from the earth, leading a winding staircase up towards the island's peak. 

Finn squeezes her hand and starts up the steps. 

She blinks, and they're at the top. A structure stands before them, crumbling and covered in green plants. Her feet move without her, carrying her towards it. Finn's hand slips from hers. 

Her hand reaches out, touching the door of the structure. Patterns and words of a language she doesn't understand are carved into the stone, swirling around a winged symbol in the center. She traces them, feeling them with her fingertips. Energy courses through her, warm and crackling and ecstatic. 

She places her palm between the wings, and-

  
  


R2 nudges her awake. Rey rubs her eyes, sitting up to look at him.

_ 'Breakfast.'  _ he beeps by way of explanation.

"Thanks." Rey says, stretching. She gets up and wanders over to the table in the corner of the hut, where Skywalker and Chewie are already seated. Skywalker slides a plate piled with food towards her as she sits across from him.

"Sleep well?" Skywalker asks. 

Rey smiles and nods. "Very well." Skywalker seems satisfied, and Rey digs into her food, just as ravenous as the night before. It's still a novelty, eating something other than instabread and compressed protein pellets. She finds she quite likes the leafy greens.

"You grew up on Jakku, you said?" Skywalker probes. Rey nods. Between her, Chewie, and R2, they'd told Skywalker the entirety of the events that had brought them here. 

"Long as I can remember." she tells him. Softer, she adds, "I'm sorry about your friend. I met him a few times; he seemed nice. Always had a bit of scrap to spare."

Skywalker nods slowly. "He knew the risks he was taking. But thank you."

"I'm going to try to call the Resistance base after breakfast to check in. Would you… want to join me?" she poses the question carefully, unsure. She knows next to nothing about the man across from her, even after all of Chewbacca's fond memories shared on the flight over. But he is the General's brother, and at the very least, Rey knows how much General Organa would like to speak to him.

Skywalker hesitates. 

"No, I… I don't think I will, just yet." But the look in his eyes betrays just how much he'd like to. "Though I'd like to take a look at the Falcon. It's been too long since I've set foot on her."

"Absolutely." Rey agrees easily. "I mean- not that I'd have any right to stop you."

Chewie rumbles with fond laughter, and Skywalker smiles, amused. "It's alright, I understood what you meant."

Rey nods, shoving another forkful of food into her mouth.

After breakfast, they head down to the Falcon. Skywalker gazes up at it like a long lost friend, and Chewie puts a hand on his shoulder. Rey leaves them to whatever private moment is happening, and climbs up the ramp ahead of them. 

She settles in the cockpit, bringing up the communications system the way Han showed her on the flight to Takodana. He'd shown her some of the intricacies of the Falcon, with what felt like an unsaid promise to introduce her to every nook and cranny of the ship someday.

Rey pushes past the ache of what could have been and enters the channel number the General gave her into the system.

It's the General's private line, so it's the General herself that picks up after just two rings.

"Rey." she greets, easing into a smile. "How goes your travels?"

"We made it." Rey says, cutting right to the chase. "We found him."

The General's smile morphs into something sadder. "I know. I felt it. He didn't want to join you for this call, did he?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't be. It's my brother that needs to apologize. But I understand. He feels guilt, and he's afraid of what it might do to the both of us if we see each other again."

Rey can't say she understands.

"Well," General Organa continues, "I'm glad to see the three of you made it in one piece, and that your mission was a success. Have you spoken to Luke about fighting the First Order?"

"I told him we need his help. I think… he needs time to figure out what kind of help he has to offer."

The General nods slowly. "I see. That is to be expected. Please let me know once he's figured it out."

"I will."

"Now, I'm sure you're anxious to hear about Finn's condition."

Rey can't help herself, she shifts forward in her seat in anticipation. "I am. Have there been any changes?"

The General smiles fondly. "That's up to interpretation. Commander Dameron swears up and down he saw Finn smile yesterday."

"He smiled?" Rey asks, mouth curving into a smile of her own. "As in, he was reacting to something?"

"It would seem so."

Rey sits back in her chair, relieved. "Thank you. Would it- would it be too much to ask-"

"I'll make sure you're informed the minute he wakes up."

Rey beams. "Thank you so much, General Organa."

"I've told you, Leia is fine. This isn't some stiff, military meeting."

Letting out a breath, Rey's smile softens. "Thank you, Leia." Leia nods.

"I should get back to work; thank you for checking in. May the Force be with you, Rey."

"May the Force be with you." Rey says back. The words spark something in her, warm and reassuring, just the same as when she'd first repeated them back to Leia on D'Qar, a small, surprised and delighted smile on her face. It was like reclaiming a part of herself she hadn't known she'd lost. 

Leia signs off, and Rey takes a moment to sit in the pilot's chair, smiling to herself with the reassurance that Finn is going to be okay. 

When she exits the cockpit, she finds Skywalker wandering around the living area of the Falcon, one hand grazing the wall as he looks around, old memories etched into his expression. 

"I'm sorry there's not much left." Rey finds herself saying. Skywalker looks at her curiously. "It's been stolen several times, and stripped pretty clean of anything non-essential. I don't think there's anything personal left to be found."

Skywalker hums, moving towards a far wall. "Knowing Han, I wouldn't be too sure. This is a smuggling ship, after all." He runs his hand along a panel, smiling when he finds whatever it is he's searching for. He presses something in the wall, pulls it out, twists it this way and that, and pushes it back in. A panel in the floor pops open.

Chewie huffs, crossing his arms as Skywalker kneels to open the hatch all the way. 

"You know how Han is." Skywalker laughs. "What do you want to bet he mainly uses this to hide snacks from you?"

Chewie just shakes his head, moving closer with Rey to peer at the contents of the secret cache. 

It looks mostly like junk, if Rey's honest, albeit the exact kind of junk she's treasured her whole life. There's a well-worn vest, folded on top of a faded orange flightsuit. Skywalker lifts them out of the cache carefully, like they might disintegrate if he's too rough with them. Underneath the clothes is a helmet almost exactly like the one Rey had on Jakku. She picks it up, turning it over in her hands. The Rebel symbol is painted in red instead of yellow, but it's a Rebel helmet nonetheless. 

Skywalker laughs. "Of course he kept this."

Rey looks up, and in Skywalker's hands is a small, electronic orb. 

"This was the first thing I trained with." Skywalker explains. "My first master, Obi-Wan, had me wear that helmet there with the blinder down, and I had to deflect the lasers this little thing shot at me with only the Force and my father's lightsaber." He chuckles, shaking his head. "It wasn't easy, and I felt ridiculous. Han made fun of me for believing in the Force. He thought it was just a fairy tale. But he came around, in the end."

Rey sees the shift, the moment when Skywalker is reminded of the painful truth. His smile falls, his grip tightens on the training droid. Chewie looks down at his hands. 

Looking back into the cache of personal effects, Rey suddenly feels that her grief is out of place. Skywalker, Chewbacca, R2-D2, Leia, all of them have much more valid reasons for their mourning, entire lives filled with a presence that is now gone from the universe. Rey only knew Han for that one day.

These items laced with so many memories don't feel like something she should take part in unearthing. They're not her memories to reclaim. 

Chewie reaches in, takes out a stack of photos tucked into a corner. He shows them to Skywalker, who wipes quickly at his eyes before taking them. His smile returns, laced with a new sadness. 

"I remember this day." he says, lifting the top photo from the stack. He huffs a laugh, "Gods, who even keeps physical photos anymore?" He hands the photo back to Chewie, looking at the next in the stack. 

Chewie rumbles softly, not quite words, then quietly hands the photo to Rey. She hesitantly accepts it, waiting for Chewie to change his mind, to realize that this is too private a thing to share with her.

He doesn't take it back, so she looks it over. It's an official-looking photo, with Han, Leia, and Skywalker front and center, their faces bright and smiles beaming. Medals hand around Han and Skywalker's necks, and Rey peers back into the cache, spotting Han's medal lying near the bottom. 

Luke slowly sifts through the pictures, handing them to Chewie, who in turn hands them to Rey. There's pictures of the trio on the falcon, laughing over the holochess board, of Skywalker in the pilot's seat, eyes bright with wonder. One is of Leia and Han, Leia sneering and Han pointing a finger in her face. The next is of Leia and Skywalker asleep in the back seats of the cockpit, Leia's head on her brother's shoulder. 

There's a photo of the three in a forest, surrounded by small, bear-like creatures. Leia's hair is down to her waist, and one of the bear creatures seems to be playing with it. Han has his arms around the siblings, a cocky grin on his face. 

_ 'The battle of Endor.' _ Chewie explains. It sounds familiar.

There's more photos, of Leia and Han in more domestic settings, or in varying offices. The photos of Skywalker are fewer, but still present, and mostly either in the Falcon or in what appears to be a cozy little house with green foliage outside the windows. 

"Who is this?" Rey asks Chewie, showing him a photo. It's of Skywalker and a man with brown hair and hazel eyes, smiling at each other as they talk over a meal. She feels as though she's seen his face before, but she's only ever heard of the twins and their cocky pilot.

Chewie hesitates, looking at Skywalker. Skywalker nods, glancing up from the photo in his hands. Chewie sighs.  _ 'That's Mara. They were… a very good friend to us.' _

_ Were.  _ Rey looks back down at the photo, examining the man's face. There's something about his eyes that strike her. Like recalling a detail of a dream. 

There are several photos of Leia, Skywalker, Mara, and Han holding a young boy, ranging from ten years old to infancy. Ben, Rey thinks it must be. His hair is shorter, more brown than black, and there's a youthful innocence in his face, but the resemblance is there. 

A shaky breath comes from Skywalker, calling her attention. He has his hand over his mouth, staring down at the last photo in the stack. He doesn't hand it to Chewie so much as shove it at him, standing to quickly walk outside. 

"What-" Rey cuts herself off, looking to Chewie. He sighs deeply, stroking his thumb over the glossy image. 

_ 'Jaina.' _ is all he says, handing the photo to her before rising to follow Skywalker. 

In the photo, a twelve or thirteen year old Ben is standing in front of the Falcon's console, smiling brightly and talking to Skywalker in the co-pilot's chair. Skywalker's lightsaber is in Ben's hands, not activated, but he's waving it around as if it were. In Skywalker's lap, clutching his hand and watching Ben with rapt attention, is a baby girl, no more than two or three years old. 

Skywalker looks at her as though she were the universe itself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you coming, J?" the boy asks. Rey looks back up at him, but the boy is gone. Instead Kylo Ren stands before her, in his dark cloak, a large scar running diagonally across his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: 'zizi' in this context is the gender neutral word for aunt/uncle!

Rey turns the lightsaber over in her hands, contemplating. Skywalker had told her to keep it yesterday when she tried to return it to him, simply smiling soft and saying, "You're going to have far greater need of it than I."

The weapon still calls to her. She keeps it at her side, just to ease the constant pull she feels towards it. She wonders if Finn felt it, too.

He's starting to react to what's around him. That's good. That's so, so good. 

Rey closes her eyes with a smile on her face. Gods, she misses him. Her first true friend. Droids notwithstanding, of course. She wonders if… 

She screws her eyes shut tighter, concentrating. Trying to feel the Force, like Maz told her. It's hard, mainly because the Force doesn't feel any  _ different. _ It's like… trying to feel the air around you. It's just  _ there. _ You only feel it when there's a gust of wind, or you enter a new atmosphere with different pressure.

How did she do this on Starkiller? She doesn't remember bending the Force to her will, or however it's supposed to work. She just… felt something in her settle. She felt it would work, and it did. 

Maybe she's overthinking it. She should just go for it. She should be sure of what she wants, and make it happen.

She reaches for Finn. She keeps reaching and reaching, but it feels like she's getting nowhere. 

Letting out a heavy sigh, she flops back onto the grass. That thing in her chest won't settle. She rolls her head to the side, looking down at the waves lapping at the shore. Maybe if she puts her feet in the water, like in her dream…

"Feeling alright?" Skywalker asks, approaching her. She sits up, looking him over with concern.

"Are you? I mean, of course I'm not who you'd want to talk to about it, but it looked like all that brought back some painful stuff. Do you… need more time?"

Skywalker shakes his head, easing down to sit next to her. "No, I… I've learned how to handle grief, in my time. It's never easy, but I can handle it. Thank you for your concern."

Rey nods, looking out at the ocean before them.

"You were trying to use the Force?"

"Yes. I… before, I was able to do it. I'm not sure how."

"The mind trick and Force Pull." Skywalker recalls. He'd huffed a laugh at both when she told him, eyes bright with wonder.  _ 'I could hardly wield a lightsaber when I was your age."  _ he'd said. 

"I've tried to get back that feeling I had when I used it." Rey goes on. "I think if I just get that back, I'll be able to use the Force again."

Skywalker hums, running his cybernetic hand over the grass. "I think I know what you mean. The Force, it's… tricky. I wish I could explain it better, but honestly it's something that you either feel, or you don't. And when you feel it, you'll know it."

Rey huffs, lying back down in the grass. "That's frustrating."

"Tell me about it." Skywalker murmurs amusedly. "I always hated how cryptic my masters were, but as I grew more adept in the Force and started trying to teach my sister, and later the children at the school… Well, it gave me a new perspective, we'll say."

"I felt it." Rey says, eyes closing. "I felt it, and I knew it, and I felt…" She flounders for the right way to say it. Powerful isn't the word she's looking for. She feels powerful with her staff in hand, or at the helm of the Falcon, up in the stars. No, with the Force, she felt… "I felt like me. But…  _ more _ me." She looks up at Skywalker, finds a knowing look on his face. "I just don't know how to find that feeling again."

"The answer might be within yourself. The Force winds its way deeply through all of us. Some find the Force by looking outwards, but many find it by looking inwards."

"How did you find it?"

Skywalker falls into silence, considering. "I think… it may have been a bit of both. I learned much of the Force by looking inwards, but I also learned through reaching out to my sister."

"I was reaching out to Finn."

"Is he Force sensitive?"

"He fought with this." She holds up the lightsaber. "And after I used the Force, I was… aware of him. In a way I'm not aware of Chewie, or the droids, or anyone, really, except for you, Leia, and…" She's fairly certain it goes without saying. Skywalker nods. 

"Those who are sensitive to the Force can sense others who are. He's where Leia is, right?"

Rey nods. "He's in the Resistance medical bay. Why?" 

Skywalker closes his eyes, breathing deeply. "I'm testing something."

Rey lies back and waits while Skywalker does his test. She lets her eyes close again, relaxing and letting their surroundings sink into her. 

She'll never get used to the feel of grass, she thinks. Or wind that doesn't whip sand against your skin. Gods, and the salt that's always on the air here. She can actually  _ breathe _ here.

Off in the distance, she hears Chewie yelling, and R2 beeping back at him indignantly. It brings a smile to her face. 

She draws a deep breath into her lungs, savoring the smell of salt and grass and  _ earth, _ then lets it out, just as slow.

In, and out.

  
  


She sees sand, and her heart almost stops for a moment. Then she hears the waves, sees the water crashing against the shore. Looking behind her, she sees the sand slopes up, cresting with grass and a line of trees. 

"J, what are you doing?" someone laughs. She turns back to the shore, looking up at the boy who comes running up to her. His face is a blur, but his hair is near black, only brown where the sun hits the damp strands. He holds out his hand to her. "Come on, Zizi Mara and I are gonna show you how to swim!"

Rey stares at his hand a long moment. She leans to the side, peering around him. Standing in the shallows of the water are four adults, their faces all blurred. Laughter carries up to where Rey sits halfway up the sand slope. Her gaze travels to the left, where umbrellas and towels are set up on the sand, well out of the reach of the waves. On one of the towels, under the protection of an umbrella, sits Chewie, his arms crossed as he shakes his head at the four in the water. 

"Are you coming, J?" the boy asks. Rey looks back up at him, but the boy is gone. Instead Kylo Ren stands before her, in his dark cloak, a large scar running diagonally across his face. 

"What are you doing, Rey?" he asks, face twisting in anger. "Why are you doing this?"

Rey inches backwards, fumbling at her side for the lightsaber. All she finds is the cloth of her pants. "I- I don't-" Kylo grabs her by her shirt, hauling her up to scream into her face,

"You're ruining  _ everything!" _

  
  


Rey jolts awake, her breaths shaking and tears in her eyes. A hand settles on her chest, and she clings to it, using it to ground herself and slowly calm herself down.

Her breaths even out, her heart calms, and she blinks up at Skywalker's concerned face. 

"Another nightmare?" he guesses. 

"I'm starting to wonder." Rey sighs, putting her hands over her face. Skywalker removes his hand.

"What did you see this time?"

"A beach. There was a boy, he was reaching out to me. I looked away, just for a moment, and when I looked back, it was Kylo. His… his face was all scarred."

"Hm."

Rey moves her hands to peer up at Skywalker. "What does that mean?"

"Have your nightmares included details from the present before? Or from your own life?"

"Not my nightmares, no…"

"Your other dreams, then?"

"I had a dream about Finn. We were on this planet, I think. We climbed up an island together, and at the top we found… something. I don't remember what."

Skywalker is silent for a long time. Rey props herself up on her elbows, waiting for him to speak.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." he finally says. Rey sighs.

"You said that last night. I didn't believe you then, either." She settles back into the grass, rubbing a hand over her face. "These… dreams, they don't feel like normal dreams. I mean, they do, sort of, but they don't. They feel like this place; like when I used to see these islands in my dreams. If they're Force visions or… or whatever else they may be, just tell me." She looks up at Skywalker, giving him a look she hopes conveys that she's not backing down from this. "Please."

Skywalker lets out a long sigh. "Your dream, of you and Finn - that could be a Force vision. Whether it is or is not depends on if it ever happens. As for the nightmares… honestly, I'm not sure what to make of them. I would say you're picking up scattered memories from the Force as it tries to rid itself of the impressions that dark night left on it, but with this new nightmare…"

Rey sits up, pressing her lips together. She's sure of it now, it's Jaina's name she keeps hearing in her dreams. She's certain Skywalker knows it too, but she's unsure if it's something she should voice.

"They seem to be getting clearer, though?" Skywalker asks. 

"Maybe. It's… more like they're developing. But I don't know what it all means." She does have an inkling of what it could mean, actually, but it's more of a feeling than an actual thought she can explain.

Skywalker nods slowly. "I'm sure the meaning will become clear in time. It's frustrating, but we'll just have to be patient."

"Yeah." Rey agrees distractedly. Patience is something she's well accustomed to. 

"Well, in the meantime, let's connect you to your friend." 

Rey sits up straighter, turning her body to face Skywalker. "Really?" He nods, smiling.

"It's easier if the target is Force sensitive too, and they're reaching back to you, but I think you're powerful enough in the Force that you might be able to dream walk, if only for a short while."

"Teach me how." 

"Alright," Skywalker chuckles, amused. "First, see if you can reach out to my sister. Her presence is stronger, so you should be able to find her more easily. From there, it's not too hard to find your friend."

Rey nods eagerly, shifting to cross her legs in front of her, placing her hands on her knees. "Okay, how do I do that?"

Skywalker moves to mirror her position. "Close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Feel the Force as it surrounds you, flowing through you and all things. Open yourself up to it."

She does as he says, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She tries to feel the Force around her, inside of her. The wind ruffles her hair, chilling the back of her neck, her face, the exposed parts of her arm. The smell of salt is strong as ever, mixing with the grass and the faint smell of smoke from Skywalker's hut. Chewie and R2 have quieted down, but she hears Chewie walking along the shore, sand shifting under his feet and R2 whirring softly at his side. 

She feels Skywalker's presence in front of her, but it's nearly the same as if anyone were sitting there. Frowning, she casts around for something,  _ anything _ that even remotely feels like what she'd felt on Starkiller. She calls the moment in the torture room back to her, then her fight with Kylo, calling the lightsaber towards her-

Oh.

Her eyes open, and she looks to her right, at where the lightsaber sits. A smile tugs at her lips.

She catches Skywalker's proud smile as she moves the lightsaber to sit between them. Her smile grows, and she closes her eyes, bringing her breath back to slow and even. 

The lightsaber calls to her. 

She calls back.

Just like that, the wind shifts. Something in her chest settles. She feels like herself.

The Force shifts and swirls around her, warm and comforting. She can almost see it, swirls of light, trails of dust motes lit up by the sun. In front of her, Skywalker is a bright cluster, glowing almost gold. Down by the shore, Chewie is much dimmer, but still glowing softly; even R2 has a faint dusting of the light. 

Rey smiles to herself, ecstatic, and reaches out further. The island, the planet, the system they're in, all of it  _ glows _ , and tears prick at Rey's eyes. Gods, and it just goes on forever. She's seen maps of the galaxy, seen Jakku and D'Qar from far enough away that they looked like they could fit in the palm of her hand. But lightspeed made it seem like the two were just a hop, skip, and a jump away. Now she can feel the distance, the pure size of the universe and how  _ tiny _ Jakku is in comparison. 

A spark of light catches her attention, drawing her to it with its familiarity. She narrows her focus on it, on the planet it resides on. It's strong, stronger than most of the lights, but not quite on the same level as Skywalker. Warmth curls in Rey's chest as she recognizes the light.

Maz.

Then, just a little further should be-

And there she is.

Leia. Glowing just as bright and golden as her brother. Rey pokes at the light, curious. It pokes back, and Rey lets out a startled laugh. 

Leia's light nudges her, gently guiding her through the Resistance base. Rey can see it in her mind, can almost feel the stone beneath her feet as she's led to the medical bay. The light inside pulses, fading one moment, then surging back strong the next. Rey puts a hand over her mouth, and a tear rolls down her cheek.

_ Finn. _

The Force fades from her awareness. She opens her eyes, greeted by Skywalker's soft smile.

"That… that was…" She doesn't have words for it. 

"I know." Luke says. 

Bursting with excitement, Rey leans forward and asks, "What else can we do?" There's a gleam in Luke's eyes as he stands and extends his hand to her.

"Let me show you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to follow me over at @cellostiel on twitter and @cellostielwrites on tumblr! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rey…" Rey looks up at her, and Leia's expression is soft, concerned. "Be careful chasing ghosts. I've yet to see it turn out well."
> 
> ~
> 
> Rey has another vision.

Rey's arms burn with the effort of the afternoon, her time filled with handstands, meditative poses, and, of all things, lifting rocks with her mind. It's still one of the best afternoons of her life. For once she feels like she's moving towards something, making progress. 

Something taps against her hand as she sits outside Skywalker's hut. Frowning, she holds her hand up to look at it. A drop of water rolls off her skin, dropping to the ground below. Frowning deeper, Rey looks up just as the sky opens up and water begins pouring down on her. 

Rey jumps up with a gasp, staring down at her hands as water pools in her palms and runs off the sides. She'd heard about rain, of course, but to actually see it in person, to see water just… falling from the sky… it's incredible. 

Suddenly she's laughing. Look at her now, a no-one from nowhere, learning the Force from a legend and standing in her first rain. If only Finn could see her.

Her laughter stops. Finn. He's okay now, she knows he is, she saw him herself. And yet…

How can she be so happy when Finn can't even wake up?

Tears roll down her cheeks, and she turns her face up to the sky. She closes her eyes and lets the rain wash everything away. 

  
  


She's soaked to the bone, shivering. A cloak is draped around her shoulders. She looks up, but the face is distorted, unrecognizable. 

"Come, Jaina, let's go inside." they say.

She goes with the person, into a small house behind them. 

"Oh, dear, you're soaking wet." the person says to her, using a towel to attempt to dry her hair. "Why were you out in the rain?"

"I don't know," she says honestly. She can't remember what she was doing before she was in the rain.

The person tsks, guiding her to a different room. "Here, let's get you in front of the fire." She is sat down in front of a fire, and she pulls the cloak closer around herself. "Your father will be home soon, then we can get some warm food into you."

"Father?" she asks. She doesn't remember who that is, or what he looks like.

"Oh, were you waiting for him? Starlight, you could have waited inside."

"I was." She remembers. "Where is he?" 

"At work. You know this." They kneel next to her, placing their hand on her forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"

Ignoring the question, she tries to focus on the face, tries to really see it. Slowly, the face morphs, and Rey recognizes them: it's Mara, from Han's pictures. 

The door opens, and Mara pecks Rey's cheek before standing to go greet the man at the door. Rey focuses again, concentrates, and sees him, sees a younger version of Skywalker embracing Mara in a kiss. Then he sees Rey, and his eyes light up for a moment before he frowns in confusion. 

"Now what have you been up to, little one?" he asks, striding forward to scoop her up into his arms. Rey finds herself giggling, holding onto him. "Look at you, you're soaked!"

"I was waiting for you." Rey says. "You're late."

"Oh, Starlight," Skywalker says, "you didn't need to worry." He balances her against his hip with one hand, reaches up to brush her cheek with his other. "You know, no matter what, I'll always come back to you. My dear Jaina."

Rey hugs him close, asks, "Promise?"

"I promise."

  
  


Rey opens her eyes and stares up into the cloudy sky. The rain has stopped, but the clouds still block out everything. Tears are still pouring down her face, and she's shaking - from the cold, the rain, or what, she doesn't know. 

She knows it now. These are Jaina's memories she's seeing. Jaina was Skywalker's child, his child that he had with Mara. Leia and Han's neice and Ben Solo's cousin. Kylo Ren's cousin. The child that Skywalker couldn't handle looking at a picture of. 

But  _ why? _ How are they connected? And what does the distortion with Kylo have to do with it? Or that vision with Finn… 

Rey looks down at the lightsaber by her side. Is it that? Was this Jaina's after it belonged to Skywalker? was she ever even old enough to wield it? And… what happened to her?

No matter how badly she wants to ask, though, she senses that this is something that Skywalker won't - or can't - answer. 

With a sigh, Rey pushes her sopping hair away from her face and goes inside.

  
  


The next morning, Rey heads out to the Falcon first thing, before anyone else wakes.

"Rey! Is everything alright?" Leia asks, brow pinched in concern.

"Everyone is fine." Rey assures her. "I just… had a few questions. If you have the time, of course."

"I have a few minutes to spare." Leia sets her pen aside, folding her hands in front of her and giving Rey her full attention. "What kind of questions?"

Pressing her lips together, Rey picks up the picture with Jaina and shows it to Leia. Leia frowns in confusion a moment, then her face clears, and there's a spark of grief in her eyes. "I want to know about her." Rey says. "Tell me about Jaina."

"There isn't much to tell." Leia says. 

"What happened to her?" Rey asks, putting the picture down.

With a sigh, Leia takes off her reading glasses and rubs at her eye. "The night that we lost Ben, that we lost the school, we lost her too. We never found a body, but we knew. As deep as I felt Han's loss, I felt Jaina's. But Luke… I don't think he could believe it. It made grieving for her impossible." 

"He still thinks she's alive?"

"I don't know. I hope not. I think if he did, he would be chasing after a ghost." 

"Why wouldn't he go look for her?"

"He tried to. But there weren't any leads, nothing to go on. She's gone." 

Rey looks down at the photo, frowning. "Then why do I keep seeing her? Why do I keep having these visions?" 

"I'm not sure. It may have to do with the lightsaber and the memories within it."

"Maybe." 

"You think otherwise."

"No, I…" Rey lets out a sigh, curling her legs up on the seat. There's something nagging at the back of her mind, refusing to reveal itself to her. "I'm not sure what I think." she confesses.

"Rey…" Rey looks up at her, and Leia's expression is soft, concerned. "Be careful chasing ghosts. I've yet to see it turn out well."

"I know. Thank you."

Leia seems to want to say something more, but then there's a knock at her door. 

"General Organa? Tico's squad is back from their mission."

"I'll be there in a moment." Turning back to Rey, Leia says, "I'm sorry, but I have to go. If these visions continue, talk to Luke about them, and don't stop until he answers you. He's stubborn, but he can't say no to you forever; it's not in his nature."

"Thank you. May the Force be with you."

"May the Force be with you." Leia echoes, then signs off. Rey huffs and slouches back in the seat. 

"What are you trying to show me?" Rey murmurs, holding up the photo to the light. "There has to be a reason you keep coming to me."

She stares at the photo for a long, long time, but Jaina's face is about as unforthcoming as they come. Wrinkling her nose in frustration, Rey puts the photo on the dashboard and gets up, grabbing the lightsaber off her hip and heading out to the far cliff to practice her swings. 

  
  


Rey lies in the grass, staring up at the sky. It's so much bluer than it was on Jakku, and fluffy little clouds float along, covering up the sun and giving her shade. 

Her breaths come a little heavy, still calming down from her exercise. Wielding a lightsaber is exhilarating, especially now that her life isn't on the line and she can really enjoy it. It feels  _ right, _ like she was made to do this. 

She wishes Finn were here. She needs someone to talk to about all this, someone just as new to this all as she is. She needs her best friend. 

Closing her eyes and holding the lightsaber in her hands, she reaches out again. She follows the flow of the Force all the way back to Finn, and when she opens her eyes, there he is, sitting right next to her.

"Finn!" she sits up, but he doesn't seem to hear her. "Finn?" She waves a hand in front of his face, but still, nothing. He must be too deep under to really hear her. 

With a sigh, Rey leans her forehead against his temple. "I miss you." she says. "You'd better wake up before I get back, or- or I'm gonna have to kick your butt." Still no reply, and it tugs at her heart. She presses a kiss to his cheek, hoping he'll feel even a ghost of it. 

"Rey." 

Rey looks up, and Skywalker is there. She looks back at Finn, he's gone. 

"Sorry, what?" Rey asks, getting to her feet. "I couldn't hear you."

"Sorry to interrupt." Skywalker says. "But I have something to show you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to check out my twitter @cellostiel!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wait," Rey says as Skywalker reaches the door. He looks back, brows raised in question, and Rey falters for a moment. "I- um- I had a question."
> 
> "About what?"
> 
> "About Jaina."

Skywalker leads her to the other side of the island, along a stone path overgrown with grass and weeds, then into a cave. Light filters in through a gap in the ceiling covered in a mesh of vines and leaves, giving them just enough sight to make their way through to the other end. 

The cave opens up to a cavern, lit up by a mouth leading outside. In the center of the cavern is a shallow pool of water, and that same symbol from the door in Rey's dream lies at the bottom.

"What is this?" Rey asks, stepping up to the pool. 

"The symbol of the Jedi." Skywalker says from across the pool. "I didn't pick this planet randomly, you know." He holds out his metal hand, says, "Come here." Rey steps around the pool and lets him lead her by hand towards the mouth of the cavern. 

She has to squint against the sun, but her eyes soon adjust as Skywalker takes them along another path heading into a small gathering of trees. Rey could almost call it a forest, had she not seen the ones on Takodana. Skywalker guides her through the trees, and Rey can't help but gaze up at the branches above them, filled with full, green leaves like Rey has never seen. 

"Here." Skywalker says, and Rey stops beside him, bringing her gaze back to eye level. Before them is a tree bigger than the rest, stout and wider around than any tree she's seen so far, wider even than Skywalker's hut. At the base of it is a crack, large enough for someone to fit through, and when she steps closer, it looks almost hollowed out.

"Where are we?" she asks.

"See for yourself." Skywalker says, ducking inside the tree. Rey carefully approaches the tree, hesitantly following Skywalker inside. 

The inside of the tree is indeed hollow, with room enough for someone very small to live comfortably inside. There's even a few carved out amenities, like a table and bed, and a line of shelves along the right-hand wall. Rey finds herself drawn to the books lined along the shelves, pages yellowed and binding barely holding on. She half-reaches for them, then thinks better of it, settling for resting her hand on the shelf instead. 

"They're ancient Jedi texts." Skywalker explains. "In them are the teachings of countless Jedi Masters."

Rey looks to Skywalker with wonder. "You've read them?"

"I've tried. They're terribly dry, though." He cracks a smile, and Rey can't help mirroring it. "They were made by scholars for scholars, not for farm-boys who never read a textbook if he didn't have to."

Rey isn't exactly sure what a 'textbook' is, but she nods along anyways. "Were they useful at all?"

"From what I could decipher, they had a few good tips. For the most part though, they're more about maintaining the Jedi Order than anything else."

"Oh." That's… disappointing.

"This one, though…" Skywalker steps up, carefully slides a small, cover-less booklet out. "This was hidden in the floor. I don't think it was ever meant to be found. It was written by a Grey Jedi."

"Grey Jedi? What's that?"

"One who uses the Force, but is not aligned with the Jedi Order. They are not with the Sith either, but somewhere in-between. The Jedi thought there were only two ways to be, but they were wrong. Where Light exists, so must Dark, and everything in-between."

"What's in there?" Rey wonders, staring at the booklet. 

"It's a diary, of sorts. It explains some of the techniques the Jedi wouldn't teach the author. Sith techniques."

"Like mind control." Rey concludes. An odd smile crosses Skywalker's face. 

"You'd be surprised. This talks more about Force Lightning and Mind Walking. Things the Jedi Order deemed to be 'too dangerous.' In some cases, they were right, but in others, their strict nature blinded them to useful tools."

"Are you a Grey Jedi?" Rey asks, eyeing Skywalker.

"I suppose I am. In my younger days I may have aligned myself with the Jedi Order, but I was naive back then. I couldn't see how hypocritic and toxic the Jedi Order could be." 

Rey nods slowly. "So you can show me these things? The things the Jedi Order wouldn't teach?"

"I haven't quite mastered them myself," Skywalker confesses, "but I can show you what I've learned. And here." He holds the booklet out to her. "You may have better luck than I." 

"You're giving this to me?" 

"Well, lending. Think of this place as a library." When Rey frowns in confusion, Skywalker clarifies, "A place where books may be taken out, but must always return to."

"So it's the books' home." 

"Yes, in a sense."

Sharply, Rey nods. "I understand. I'll return it."

Skywalker smiles. "Good. Let's go, I'll start lunch while you give that a read, hm?"

"Wait," Rey says as Skywalker reaches the door. He looks back, brows raised in question, and Rey falters for a moment. "I- um- I had a question."

"About what?" 

"About Jaina."

Skywalker's face closes off. "What is there to discuss? The past is the past."

"But she keeps coming to me in my visions. I think she's trying to tell me something." 

"Let it go, Rey. It's just ghosts kicked up by the lightsaber."

"I just want to  _ understand. _ " Rey says, stepping towards him. "She has something to show me, I know it! The past may be over, but we can still learn from it."

"Rey-"

"It's more than just ghosts! She showed me Mara, and-"

_ "Enough!" _ Skywalker snaps. In his eyes is a cold, pained fire. "Enough." he says, terrifyingly quiet. "Let the past die. It's over. Let. It. Go."

With that, he turns on his heel and leaves, and Rey is left with a heavy heart and a knot in her gut.

  
  


Rey sleeps in the Falcon that night, unsure if she's welcome in the hut. She flips through the booklet, not quite reading, and unsure too if she's still welcome to read it. 

She didn't mean to upset Skywalker like that. Mara and Jaina were clearly special to him, and she should have treaded lighter. But it's infuriating, constantly being bombarded with visions that she doesn't understand and that no one can explain. 

With a sigh, she sets the book down on the shelf in the wall above the bed. She can't make heads or tails of it right now, and she doesn't have the energy to try anymore. She needs to apologize, she knows, but she gets the sense that she should give Skywalker time to calm down. 

Rolling over, she opens up the drawers underneath and pulls out Finn's jacket. Poe's jacket, technically, but he'd let her hang on to it to remind her of Finn. She holds it close, taking comfort in the familiar scent that probably mostly belongs to the rebel base and Poe, but so strongly brings Finn to her mind. 

Closing her eyes, she reaches out again.

  
  


_ The familiar taste of sand hits her before she even opens her eyes.  _ Before her is an endless stretch of sand, and her heart stops. 

No. 

No, no.

She twists around, but all there is before her is more sand. She tries to swallow, but her throat is dry. That same aching dryness she'd grown so used to. The one she'd hoped never to experience again.

Staggering to her feet, Rey knows she has one option: walk until she finds something, anything at all. 

"Rey." 

Whipping around, Rey comes face to face with Kylo Ren.

"Go away." Rey demands. "You're not real. None of this is real." That's right, she just has to wake up. This is just another Force vision. She'll wake up, and she'll be back on the Falcon, safe and sound and far, far away from this desert. 

"I'm not going anywhere." Kylo strides towards her, and Rey backs away, step for step. "You know about her now, don't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Rey lies. Kylo huffs like he knows this.

"Jaina. My cousin. You know her now, I know it. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Rey grinds out, glaring. 

"Lies!" Kylo yells. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! You know everything now, you must! Just admit it!"

"You're crazy!" Rey yells back. "Even if I did know something, I would never tell you!"

"We're connected, Rey. I know it, and you know it. You felt it in the forest. We both did. I can still teach you. I can tell you things that Skywalker won't." 

"You're a liar." Rey seethes. "All you've ever told me is lies." 

"That's not true, and you know it."

"I'm not listening to you anymore." She turns to leave, but suddenly Kylo is there, gripping her arm.

"We are connected, Rey." he says, right in her ear, and Rey yanks her arm to escape him, but he holds tight. "Admit it. You feel the same pull I do."

"I feel nothing!" Rey rips her arm away, turning to land a punch, but all she hits is thin air. 

Behind her, Kylo says, "Then stay with Skywalker. Learn from an incompetent man that's lost everything and refuses to tell you anything of importance."

"You don't know anything."

"And you know him so well? Like you knew Han? Like you know Leia? How well do you really know anyone, Rey? Even your precious Finn. Have you seen into his mind? Have you seen how broken it is? He spent his whole life as a tool, a faceless weapon. How do you think that has affected him?"

"He's good!" Rey bites, whirling around to face him. "Better than you'll ever be."

"He is strong with the Light, unfortunately. But how good can he really be?"

"You don't know anything about him!"

"And what do you know about him?"

"He saved my life! He came back for me!"

"Ah, and there it is. Your attachment to him, to Han. They came back for you. Like your parents never did."

"You don't talk about them."

"I've seen into your mind, Rey. I know you're waiting for people who will never come for you. If they really loved you, they would have found you by now. They would have done anything to get to you. You're better off without them."

_ "No!" _

Rey bolts upright, panting hard and bearings lost. The room around her is cold, and distantly she can hear waves. Those things ground her, and she finds herself back in the Falcon. 

She pulls Finn's jacket close around her and chokes back a sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for your support so far! I'm really excited about where this story is headed! 
> 
> don't forget to check out my twitter @cellostiel or my tumblr, @cellostielwrites!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not sure I _can_ help you." Skywalker says tiredly. He rubs at his eyes, says, "I'm not what the legends say I am."
> 
> "You made mistakes." Rey says kindly. "You couldn't have known what Kylo was."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has major spoilers for The Last Jedi, and borrows a few minor spoilers as well, so you may want to wait if you haven't seen the movie yet. 
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy!

Taking a deep breath, Rey knocks on Skywalker's open door before ducking inside. It's late at night, and she finally feels settled enough after her vision to approach him. She still wears Finn's jacket, too upset still to manage without it.

Chewie is asleep on the floor, and Rey carefully steps around him to approach the table on the other side of the hut. R2 is powered down next to where Skywalker sits, and Skywalker himself is engrossed in a tablet from the Falcon, flipping through the various documents Leia had loaded up for him; basically a brief overview of what went on in the galaxy during his extended leave. 

"Hey." Rey says awkwardly, hovering a few feet away. Skywalker makes a grunt to acknowledge her, but doesn't look up. Rey sighs. "I'm sorry." she says. "I- I shouldn't have brought all that up. I'm just- I'm so confused. And you're the only one that can help me understand it all."

Skywalker closes his eyes, setting the tablet down. Hesitantly, Rey sits across from him at the table. "I know this is painful for you." she says. "But the past keeps calling to me, and I can't get it to stop. I don't know how. I need your help. Please."

"I'm not sure I  _ can _ help you." Skywalker says tiredly. He rubs at his eyes, says, "I'm not what the legends say I am."

"You made mistakes." Rey says kindly. "You couldn't have known what Kylo was."

"No, I knew." He looks away, out the window. His gaze is distant. "I… I could sense his power. The raw, unbridled energy of it. I knew he was being influenced, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. In a moment of weakness, I probed his mind, and the darkness I saw… it scared me. For a moment - for the briefest of moments - I thought I could-" He looks down at his hands, gripping them tightly together. "I thought the only way was to- to end it. To… kill Ben." He lets out a weary, shuddering breath, and finally looks Rey in the eyes. "I am more ashamed of those few moments than of anything I have ever done in my life. But by the time it passed, it was too late. Ben had woken up and seen me, and it was done. He was lost."

SIlence stretches on between them, Rey unsure what to say. No wonder Skywalker believes everything was his fault - no wonder he went into hiding. She feels like a child, lost in a world of things too complex for her to truly understand. She opens her mouth, struggling for something - anything - to say, but Skywalker shakes his head. 

"This is why I can't speak to Leia, why I can't go back. I can't be forgiven for what I've done."

"Leia doesn't blame you." Rey says quietly. 

"She doesn't know what happened."

"She wouldn't blame you if she knew."

"She would. I know my sister, and she would." 

"She'd forgive you. In time."

Skywalker smiles ruefully. "I don't think she would." 

Rey is at a loss. "I'm sorry."

"For what? It was my own doing that brought us here. I have accepted that. You need to, too." 

Rey falls into silence, looking down at her hands on the table. 

R2 blinks to life, and turns to her. 

_ 'Leia is calling you. It's about Finn.' _

Rey is up and out of her seat in a flash, racing out of the hut and towards the Falcon. She makes it to the cockpit in just a few minutes, the seat spinning with the force of her throwing herself into it. Steadying it and swinging it back towards the com screen, she works the controls until Leia appears on-screen.

"How is he?" Rey asks immediately. Leia laughs. 

"Patience. He's fine. He woke up for a bit today. Asked about you."

Rey blinks back tears. "He woke up?"

"Just for a little while, but we spoke. He was concerned about you."

"I'm fine." Rey says quickly. "You can tell him I'm fine."

"Are you?" Leia asks knowingly. "Last we spoke, you didn't seem so sure."

"It's nothing he has to worry about. Just let him rest." 

"Very well. And how is my brother doing?"

Rey hesitates, unsure how to answer. "There are some… things to still work out. I don't know if he'll be coming back with me." 

"That is unfortunate, but not unexpected." Leia says with a sigh. "Let my brother know that whenever he is ready to talk… I am here. R2 has my personal communication channel, and I suspect now that he's found him, R2 will stay until he can change Luke's mind. If anyone can convince my brother to do something, it's R2." 

"Okay…" There's an unease inside of Rey, but she's not sure how to express it. "Next time Finn wakes up, could you have him call here?" 

"Of course." Leia pauses, watching Rey carefully. "Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" 

"No, I… I'm fine. Really." 

"Hm." Leia doesn't seem to believe her, but lets it go. "I have to go, but I'll let Finn know you miss him."

"Thank you."

They sign off, and Rey pulls Finn's jacket tighter around her. She misses him more than anything. Her first friend - her only real friend - the only person to care for her in gods know how long… What she would give just to hear his voice again. 

  
  


Skywalker finds her out on the hill where she first found him, sitting in the grass and looking out at the ocean. The twin suns are just rising over the horizon. He comes to stand just behind her, and Rey lets him be, running her hands through the grass and grounding herself in the soft feel of it and the salt in the air. The vision of Kylo still has her off-kilter. 

"Your friend is doing good?" Skywalker eventually asks.

"He is."

Slowly, Skywalker eases down next to her. "Tell me about him?"

A smile tugs at Rey's face. "He's just… incredible. I've never met anyone like him. You should have seen how he lit up when we escaped in the Falcon - I've never seen anyone smile like that. I've never… I've never had someone compliment me like he did. He was… was  _ proud of me. _ We barely even knew each other and still he was just…" she shakes her head with a laugh, "so  _ excited. _ And when I was on Starkiller, even though he was scared, he came for me."

"It sounds like you're very lucky to call him a friend."

"I am." Rey agrees. "I don't know if I deserve a friend like him."

"I always wondered that about Mara." Rey perks up at the name, glancing over hesitantly at Skywalker. He's staring out at the ocean, a sad, wistful look on his face. "I thought the world of them. We were together through so much, through thick and thin, for better or for worse. When I thought all was lost, there they were." His face darkens a bit, and he says, "Until they weren't."

"How did you lose him?" Rey asks softly.

"Them." Skywalker gently corrects. "Mara was not man or woman. They were something else entirely." He sighs, turning a weary gaze up to the sky. "It was before we lost the school. They were on some planet in the middle of nowhere, never quite got the name, trying to smuggle a Force-sensitive child out of First Order territory. Their partner and the child escaped, but Mara…" 

"They never made it home."

"Jaina was inconsolable." Skywalker recalls, voice distant. "She was just starting to smile again when…" A shadow crosses his face, and he looks down at the ground. 

For a moment, Rey is in the arms of Mara, tiny hands gripping their cloak. 

"Don't go." Rey begs.

"I have to. Everyone deserves to be safe, don't you think, Jaina?"

"I don't want you to leave." Rey insists, burying her face in Mara's cloak. 

"I'll be fine. I always come back, don't I?"

Rey comes back to the present, tears in her eyes. "They never said goodbye."

"No, they didn't like to. Felt it was a jinx." He seems to come back to himself, looking at Rey and asking, "How did you know that?"

"I saw it." Rey says, wiping away the tears. "Just now."

"How often do you have waking visions like that?"

"They've been happening more and more."

A deep frown creases Skywalker's face. "I think you're right; someone or something is trying to convey a message to you."

"What do you think it all means?"

"I'm not sure." 

"I saw Kylo." Rey says quietly. "Not now, but… earlier. I was reaching out to Finn, and suddenly I was back on Jakku, and Kylo was there."

"Did he say anything to you?" 

"He was… taunting me. He was trying to get me to join him, but there was something… strange. He asked about Jaina."

"I want you to tell me exactly what he said to you."

Rey tries to recall the vision as best she can, but it's blurry and fading from her memories, like a dream.

"It sounds like it wasn't actually him." Skywalker says, metal hand stroking his beard. "Much like your vision of you and Finn climbing those steps wasn't real." 

"What does it mean?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know what he meant by 'knowing everything', or about your connection." 

"I don't feel anything for him but hate." Rey says. Skywalker gives her a sympathetic look.

"I felt the same about my father for a long time. But then I learned that hate is seldom a healthy emotion to hold onto. Even then, I struggled to let it go. But I am glad I did."

Rey shoves to her feet, staring down at Skywalker incredulously. "So I'm just supposed to forgive him for what he did to me?! To those I care about?! I'm supposed to forget that he killed Han?!"

"I'm not saying that." Skywalker says calmly. "I'm not saying your emotions are unwarranted, or even unneeded. I'm simply saying that they're not emotions you should hold onto forever. I know it's hard to see that right now, but believe me, in time it will pass, and you'll realize how much better off you are without it." 

"Aren't you angry? After everything that Kylo did - he destroyed an entire planet, he tortured me,  _ he killed Han!"  _

"And why do you think he did those things?"

"You can't be blaming yourself for that." Rey says in disbelief.

"If I had just trusted him a little more, had a little more faith in him, maybe  _ talked  _ to him-"

"He's a monster!"

"He wasn't always."

"No, but he made a  _ choice. _ He chose to listen to Snoke, he chose to murder all those children, he  _ chose _ to kill his father. You made a mistake. But you choose to learn from it. Kylo keeps repeating his mistakes." 

"Mistakes he wouldn't have made if I hadn't almost-"

"But you  _ didn't. _ You had a moment of weakness."

"A moment that destroyed my nephew and everything I loved. I will never be able to undo the damage I've done. Some things were not meant to be forgiven."

"So, what? You're just going to stop trying? You're just going to let him get away with everything?" 

"You don't know what you're talking about." 

"No, I know when someone has given up. You have, and you don't even have the courage to admit it."

"What would you have me do?" Skywalker asks sharply. "Face down the entire First Order by myself?" 

"No. But you can do  _ something. _ Come with me, help teach the Force Sensitives in the rebellion. With you, we stand a fighting chance."

"I can't."

"You  _ can. _ " Rey sinks to her knees, pleading now. "You're our only hope."

"I don't know what you think I am, but whatever it is, I'm not it." Skywalker pushes to his feet and starts to walk away.

"Coward!" Rey yells after him. "You can help us, and you know it! You're just scared." 

Skywalker halts, spinning around to face her. "You're damn right I am. I'm terrified. And if you had an ounce of smarts, you'd be, too." 

"You think I'm not afraid?" Rey says, getting up and starting towards him. "You think this whole thing doesn't scare the daylights out of me? But I've seen what they're capable of, and I know the only way to stop them is to  _ fight. _ We can't let them win. If that means fighting, even though we're scared, then I'm more than willing to try. What about you? What's stopping you? A few ghosts from the past? I thought you were supposed to be some great Jedi Master, but you can't even face your own demons."

"I face them every damn day." Skywalker says, taking a step forward. "You think I don't? Then you're more naive than I thought. I didn't come out here for some fun vacation or to study the old ways. I came here to  _ repent. _ " 

"You dare preach to me about not letting feelings consume you, but you let your guilt eat away at you until there's nothing left but a sad, old man who has nothing left in his life but memories of what was." 

"I lost  _ everything  _ that night! What do you know about loss?"

"I felt it all in that vision! Everything! I carry that pain around with me even now. The suffering, the loss, the  _ guilt. _ I  _ know, _ Skywalker. I know the ghosts that plague you, and I know that they are nothing compared to the suffering that billions upon trillions of people are feeling right now at the hands of the First Order."

"You think you know pain? You think you know suffering? What you saw, what you felt, was a shadow of the reality of it."

"You honestly believe your guilt is more important than the lives of everyone in the universe?"

"I didn't say that." 

"You may as well have." Rey shakes her head, blinking back tears. "I can't believe I ever thought you could save us."

"Rey-"

"No." Rey shoves past him, headed for the Falcon. "We're done."

"Rey!" 

She passes Chewie and R2 hovering by the Falcon, says, "We're leaving."

_ 'I'm staying.' _ R2 says. She pauses to look at him, nods. 

"Fine. Chewie?"

_ 'By your side.' _

"Good." She climbs into the Falcon, going straight to the cockpit, Chewie on her heels. "We're going back. Our mission is failed; Skywalker is useless." 

Together they get the Falcon set up to leave. As they lift off the island, Rey spots Skywalker, still standing on top of the hill. She tears her eyes away and sets her sight on the stars, on getting far away from here as fast as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to check out my twitter @cellostiel or my tumblr @cellostielwrites!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me something: what do you fight for, Rey?"
> 
> "What does that matter?"
> 
> "It matters to me. What do you fight for?"
> 
> ~ 
> 
> Rey deals with the fallout of her argument with Skywalker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! I had some trouble with inspiration and then I ended up having to rewrite most of the chapter.... but it's here now!! enjoy!!!

They're a third of the way to D'Qar, Chewie dozing off in the co-pilot seat, when a call comes in from Leia's personal channel. Rey slows down the Falcon and tunes in.

"Rey?"

"Finn!"

"Rey!" Finn's bright smile graces the screen, and Rey could cry with happiness. 

"You're awake!"

"Yeah, I just woke up. Poe said you were waiting for me to call."

"It's so good to hear your voice. I wasn't sure if…" She stops, swallows. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Are you? Poe filled me in a little bit, but…"

"I'm fine. I'm okay."

"You sure? You look like you've been crying."

"Oh." Rey rubs at her eyes, says, "Sorry. It's nothing."

"Rey…"

"Skywalker and I had a fight. He's not coming back with us." 

"What happened?" 

With a sigh, Rey tries to recall what was said. "He was just… throwing himself a pity-party. I couldn't take it anymore. I'm headed back to D'Qar." 

"What do we do now?" Finn wonders.

"I'm not sure." Rey admits. "But whatever it is, we'll have to do it without him."

"Can we do that?"

"We have to." 

"Rey, everyone believes in him. We can't just say he didn't want to come."

"What am I supposed to do, then? I can't make him come with me." 

"Maybe you can get him to talk to the general? I bet she could convince him."

"He won't talk to her. Feels too guilty." 

"There has to be  _ something _ we can do." 

"I don't know." Rey huffs in frustration. "There's no reasoning with him." 

"We have to try." Finn insists. 

"I did! He won't listen to me." 

"Then make him."

"I couldn't even make you stay." 

"I was scared, Rey." Finn says, voice quiet. "So scared. I knew first-hand what the First Order was capable of. And I didn't have anything worth fighting for. Now I do. You just have to find something Skywalker can fight for." 

She hates it, but she knows Finn's right. "I don't know how." she tries.

"If anyone can figure it out Rey, it's you." 

He sounds so sure of it. Rey is inclined to believe it, too. Just a bit. 

"Alright. I'll go back."

"That's good." Finn says, relieved. "Just make sure to make it back here in one piece. I'll be waiting for you."

"You'd better be." Rey says, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I'll see you soon."

"Don't take too long." Finn teases. 

"I won't."

They sign off, and Rey looks to Chewie. "Guess we're headed back." she says. Chewie snorts in his sleep.

  
  


They touch down on Ahch-To, and a bit of deja-vu hits Rey as she steps out and climbs the hill she left Skywalker on. He's sitting now, staring off into the horizon, and Rey stops a dozen or so feet away. She clears her throat to catch his attention, though she's sure he already knows she's there. 

Skywalker looks over his shoulder at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Rey gets a pang of guilt, but she shoves it down. She has nothing to be sorry for.

"I'm not here to apologize." she says, matter of fact. "I'm here to bring you with me to the resistance."

Skywalker sighs. "I've told you, I can't."

"Yes, you can. You just don't  _ want  _ to." 

"You think I don't-"

"I know you don't. But you have to. For Han, for your sister, for Mara. For Jaina." 

Skywalker turns away from her. "Don't try and guilt me. It won't work." 

"I'm not guilting you, I'm trying to give you something to fight for. If you won't fight for them, then who will you fight for?"

Skywalker is quiet for a long time. Rey tries to wait him out, but her patience is running thin. 

Finally, he says, quietly, "I lost the right to fight for them a long time ago." 

"What, because of the school? Because of Kylo? Because of one mistake, you're condemning the entire galaxy to a life of misery?"

"It's not that simple."

"Oh, I think it is. You made one mistake, and now you refuse to do anything to make up for it. And don't even pretend that isolating yourself on some planet in the middle of nowhere is anything close to trying to atone. You're just punishing yourself so you can pat yourself on the back and-"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Skywalker snaps. 

"Oh, I do. I've seen people like you on Jakku. People who have given up on everything, on life itself and have nothing left to do but wallow in their misery." 

"I'm not wallowing." Skywalker says, in that tone that children use when they are, in fact, very much doing the thing they're denying. 

"Look, whatever you want to call it - it needs to end. And it needs to end soon. There are lives at stake."

"There are always lives at stake." 

"What about your sister?"

"If she knew what I've done, she wouldn't call me her brother anymore."

"How do you know?"

"I know her."

"It's been, what, a decade since then? How can you possibly know how she'd react now? People change."

"Not Leia. Not in any way that matters."

Skywalker's stubborness is killing her - Rey wants to scream in frustration. Instead, she takes a deep breath. "The Jedi, they liked to talk about balance, right?"

Skywalker looks over his shoulder at her cautiously. "Yes. Why?"

"Right now, the universe is out of balance. The Dark Side reigns, and The Light Side dwindles. With you, we can restore balance to The Force." 

Skywalker snorts. "You sound like one of my Masters. Before his Padawan turned into a Sith." 

"Okay, bad choice of words." Rey admits, carding a hand through her hair; she hasn't bothered to tie it back since she last woke up. The wind tugs at the loose strands, and in the cool air by the ocean, she finds she likes the sensation. With a sigh, Rey asks, "If none of that will convince you, then what will?"

"Nothing." Skywalker says, his resolve absolute. But instead of instilling Rey with a sense of defeat, it makes her angry.

"Nothing? Nothing at all will get you off your arse to save the freaking universe?!" 

"The universe is a big being, it can save itself."

"That's like saying, 'oh, this ship is big, it can put out its own fire!' It can't! It needs  _ help _ ." 

"The universe has a way of balancing out. Eventually."

"Eventually is too late! Do you know how many innocent people they've killed already? Entire planets are gone because of The First Order!"

"Many planets were lost to The Empire." 

"What's so different now? Why would you fight The Empire, but not The First Order?" 

"I was young then. Naive." 

"Naive to what?" 

"To the fact that there will always,  _ always _ be another battle, another Empire, another First Order, another force-forsaken army bent on destroying everything good in the universe. It's like pulling weeds; sure, the garden looks good for a few days, but they'll always come back." 

"So that's it? You're giving up because it's hard?" 

"No, I'm giving up because it's impossible."

"But it's not! We can win! We just have to-"

"To what?" Skywalker cuts her off. "To 'restore the Jedi Order?' The Jedi were a mess. Their 'peace' was at a price. You can't fix an order that's fundamentally broken."

"Then we'll create a new order! One that welcomes the Grey Jedi and shows people the dangers of The Dark Side rather than pretending that it doesn't exist!"

"You sound like me when I was younger. I thought we could bring peace back to the galaxy. I was wrong. There will always be war - there will always be strife." 

"We can fix things!" Rey says, desperately. "It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be  _ better. _ "

"We can't."

"We  _ can! _ You just don't  _ want  _ to!" 

"Rey-" 

"Come with me."

"You know I-"

"I know you're a coward." Rey bites out. "This is your chance to help, to make things  _ right _ , and that scares you. And maybe it should." She nods to herself, says stronger, "You should be scared. But do you know what the rest of us do when we're scared?  _ We fight. _ Where's your fight? What happened to it?"

"It died when those innocent children did." 

"So you won't fight for them? For the lives they could have had if The First Order hadn't-"

"If  _ I  _ hadn't-"

"That is  _ crap _ , and you know it!" Rey's had enough. "You want to repent? Then stop feeling sorry for yourself and come do something useful with your life." It's not a request; it's a  _ command _ , and she leaves it hanging in the air, turning on her heel and stomping off towards the Falcon.

"I almost gave up after Mara died." Skywalker says, so softly Rey almost doesn't hear it. She stops, turning her head slightly to hear him better. "When they died, it was like… a star had gone out. But I had Jaina to take care of, to support. I couldn't let her down." 

"And this is you, still not letting her down?"

"She's gone."

"She is. But you can still honor her. What would she have wanted you to do?"

A dry, humorless laugh escapes Skywalker. "She would have wanted me to fight." 

"So why won't you?" 

"Like I said, I lost that right the day I raised my saber against Ben." 

"The path to the redemption that you're looking for," Rey turns, stepping towards where Skywalker is still seated, facing away from her. "It's not here. It's out there: with The Rebellion. With your sister." 

Skywalker looks at her, and there are ghosts in his eyes. "Do you truly believe that?"

"I do."

"Then you are as naive as I was."

"Ugh! You're just so-! Argh!" Rey wants to rip her hair out. "Every time I think you're coming around, you just-! You shut down like that! It's infuriating! Just because there's another battle doesn't make it any less worth fighting, or mean you should stop fighting for what's right!"

"You know the funny thing about fighting so many battles? It gets old. You get tired." 

"You think I don't know that? My whole life has been one battle after another. I  _ know _ tired. But I don't stop fighting; you shouldn't either." 

Skywalker sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "You don't give up, do you, Kid?" 

Rey crosses her arms. "No. I don't." 

"Now you remind me of my sister." Skywalker says, a smile in his voice. "Stubborn as all hell." 

"You're not answering me." 

"When did you ask a question?"

Rey presses her lips together, letting a breath out through her nose. She closes her eyes for a moment, taking a careful breath, then grits out, "Are you going to join The Resistance in fighting The First Order?" 

Skywalker stands, facing her. "What do you think I should do?"

Rey tilts her chin up, challenging. "I think you should fight."

A smile tilts Skywalker's lips. "Of course you do." 

Rey takes another step forward. "You still haven't answered. Will. You. Fight?" 

"Tell me something: what do you fight for, Rey?"

"What does that matter?" 

"It matters to me. What do you fight for?"

All the question dodging is getting on Rey's nerves, but she forces herself to calm down and think about it, to give a good answer. "I grew up on tales of The Rebellion, the triumph against The Empire. I would wear an old Rebel helmet nearly every day after dinner, pretending to be one of them. Then I met Finn, and he told me he was with The Resistance, and it was like- like fantasy coming to life. BB-8 told me about her mission, and- and suddenly I had a purpose. I could be more than just some nobody from nowhere."

Standing straight with nothing but conviction coursing through her veins, Rey says, "I fight for Finn; for BB-8; for Han and Chewie - and for everyone that can't fight for themselves. That's what I fight for."

"Hm." Skywalker says, an odd, almost proud smile on his face. "That's a good cause to fight for."

"What will you fight for?" Rey asks, words sharp. "If not your spouse, if not your child, if not your sister or your best friend, then what? Or have you lost your fight after all this time?"

"I thought I had." Skywalker says. "But it may still be there yet."

Rey perks up. "So you'll fight?"

"What can I say, you're very persuasive. And unrelenting." 

Rey eyes him warily. "Something's wrong. What's the catch?" 

"No catch. You just… for a moment, you reminded me of Mara."

Brow furrowing, Rey asks, "How so?"

"After The Empire was dismantled, I devoted myself to studying the Jedi ways. I reached a point where there wasn't anything left that I could learn on my own, and all my masters were dead. I was ready to give up. Then I met Mara." A wistful look crosses Skywalker's eyes, and in that moment, he looks so much younger. "They were a former Empire general that converted to The Resistance, and they convinced me there was still more to fight for. They gave me the idea for the school, helped me organize it and find children who were ready to learn. If it weren't for them, I don't think I would have ever found my purpose again." 

"What's your purpose now?" Rey asks.

"I think," Skywalker says, staring off into the sky, "my purpose now is to guide you."

"So… you'll help?"

"I'll do what I can."

Rey nods. "Then let's get going. They're waiting for us." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to check out my twitter @cellostiel!


End file.
